A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.
Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
