We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
Now what state do you live in?' 'Denial.
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I'm cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.
