Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here.
The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.
Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody.
William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.
I always order soup, dessert, and a sandwich or whatever main course. But then the idea is you have to eat such a small portion of it and bring the rest home.
I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.
I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain.
I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know.
I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook.
If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.
I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically incorrect themes of my act. But I am continually amazed by how a certain section of our society seems to be so freakin' sensitive about jokes.
The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.
When doing comedy, I do what makes me laugh. The first person I learned from said I should talk about things I am passionate about - that I love or hate - because the audience likes to see passion. The stuff I rant and rave about stems from a place that really pisses me off.
Shortly after college, I was working in New York City at 'Rolling Stone' magazine.
I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.
I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.
Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it.
