Aggression is inherently destructive of relationships. People and ideologies are pitted against each other, believing that in order to survive, they must destroy the opposition.
Our willingness to acknowledge that we only see half the picture creates the conditions that make us more attractive to others. The more sincerely we acknowledge our need for their different insights and perspectives, the more they will be magnetized to join us.
For me, this is a familiar image - people in the organization ready and willing to do good work, wanting to contribute their ideas, ready to take responsibility, and leaders holding them back, insisting that they wait for decisions or instructions.
I've wanted to see beyond the Western, mechanical view of the world and see what else might appear when the lens was changed.
And time for reflection with colleagues is for me a lifesaver; it is not just a nice thing to do if you have the time. It is the only way you can survive.
We experience problem-solving sessions as war zones, we view competing ideas as enemies, and we use problems as weapons to blame and defeat opposition forces. No wonder we can't come up with real lasting solutions!
I believe that the capacity that any organisation needs is for leadership to appear anywhere it is needed, when it is needed.
I think it is quite dangerous for an organisation to think they can predict where they are going to need leadership. It needs to be something that people are willing to assume if it feels relevant, given the context of any situation.
Too many problem-solving sessions become battlegrounds where decisions are made based on power rather than intelligence.
When we can lay down our fear and anger and choose responses other than aggression, we create the conditions for bringing out the best in us humans.
Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.
Yet we act as if simple cause and effect is at work. We push to find the one simple reason things have gone wrong. We look for the one action, or the one person, that created this mess. As soon as we find someone to blame, we act as if we've solved the problem.
Circles create soothing space, where even reticent people can realize that their voice is welcome.
Determination, energy, and courage appear spontaneously when we care deeply about something. We take risks that are unimaginable in any other context.
For us, someone who is willing to step forward and help is much more courageous than someone who is merely fulfilling the role.
When leaders take back power, when they act as heroes and saviors, they end up exhausted, overwhelmed, and deeply stressed.
For eons, humans have struggled to find less destructive ways of living together.
In these troubled, uncertain times, we don't need more command and control; we need better means to engage everyone's intelligence in solving challenges and crises as they arise.
In virtually every organization, regardless of mission and function, people are frustrated by problems that seem unsolvable.
