Quotes by "Mark Twain"

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.

I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.