Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family ... in another city.
I look better, feel better, make love better, and I'll tell you something else ... I never lied better.
I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
At my age flowers scare me.
How can I die? I'm booked.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
